Because Of You
by Kenneth Black
Summary: And I thought my feelings for her all by themselves were hard to deal with. Nope. Add all the major past lovers who feel they have a right to be there for her, it's complicated to my short limit. :: NOT a song-fic, but based on the song ::
1. Because of You

A/N: *grin* Hi-ya there. And so in this one the Warrior's gonna be musing a lot, and I'm actually gonna use references to the episodes! Yay! XD Not that it's gonna be in order and all, but do I do things in order? Naaah. *shakes head* =3 So thanks for having the guts to venture out here, hope ya come out on the other side happy! XD

DISCLAIMER: . . . I've watched the credits roll by enough many a time to answer this unspoken question. Let's make this vague, eh? *grin* Xena, Warrior Princess, belongs to the ones who created, made, and had the show prosper in all its glory. Fans, she and the show will always live on in your hearts. I do not own any of the following proceeding except the idea and wording. =3

_**Because Of You: She'll Never Be Mine**_

I always thought she would never have another.

I shouldn't have cared.

I never thought I did.

I thought I was above that, above feeling whatever best friends shouldn't 'feel' for their best friends.

Of course, being there isn't the same as wishing you were there, wishing you were the one she wanted, wishing you were the one she was thinking of, when she was all alone in the dark, scared, hoping for some light, some presence.

I was there.

And damn it all to Hades, I wasn't the only one there.

There when the drab ratty piece of torn rag subsituting as a curtain was pulled back, me on one side, her on the other, and it hurt.

It hurt too much, too much to think about it, too much for me to want it to hurt, need it to hurt.

I felt as if my heart was bleeding, then, torn all to pieces, and it was a different kind of hurt then, a hurt that was just like someone grabbing your insides and twisting, and those insides are right beside that thing called your heart, throbbing, broken, shattered. . . alive.

She was lying there, on the makeshift wooden bed, on her side, breathing deep, but somehow she jerked awake, something she never does, and the THING behind her shifts, blinks, groggy but still holding onto her.

Holding on to something I want.

Holding on to something I need.

I need her.

Never mind that I want her, she's the one who does the 'Xena', the new, true 'Xena', justice. She's the one who keeps me pure, the one who I fight for, everyday, instead of the pleasurable mindlust I get when I shed blood.

Innocent blood, sinful blood, who cares, it's blood, it's all the same.

But she's not the same.

She is Gabrielle, a virgin, a pure of heart, a blood-shedder not, and I know I don't talk much, I know I don't get that much through to her, even in her perceptive warrior-worship mode, but if there's one thing I want in this cruel, cruel world, I want her to. . .

I want her to stay free.

And so I would have killed.

Gladly.

And only for another, for the first time in my life, because Gabrielle is surely the consequence and repercussion I'd get from the village if I killed an undergrown BOY.

Ex-warlord, ex-sinner, ex-stoic-and-not-talkative-at-all-yup-ness, I'm still all that.

It's not like I can throw it away, even after all these months of travel with her. I'm getting better, though, covering it up, making it go away after certain times when it lurks up from the dark again, luring me down.

But I can feel it, feel it bleed, feel it rage, feel it cry.

It's something I don't want her to see.

Something, that in all my life, I wish I could have taken away the pain I gave her when I hit her, back in that laughable stick-shift of a dungeon where I could have easily run away, every chance I got. I was Xena. I didn't need chances.

I made them.

I should have run away, with her, spent my life running away, a coward, a fake, a damnable liar in the face of every situation that could be lied or bluffed about.

But I'm too proud.

I chose that path, not to run away, because I had you to think about.

Something that I'll never lie about is you, Gabrielle.

I will never lie about how much I love you, how much I need you, how much I'd like it if we actually were more than friends, more than partners, more than the fleeting moment of destiny's passing us together. I will never lie about how much I want to take back that smart-ass comment I made about how the strongest trees in the forest stand alone. I'm one of those people who can't see the forest because of the trees, Gabrielle.

I'm the one who's in love with you.

Truly, because I do.

Madly, because I'd kill.

Deeply, because I'd do anything to keep you as you are now, even repressing myself into something as pathetic as this, making myself so like the idiot himself who is behind you that all you can really see now is Xena, the scarred woman of old battles, harboring secrets just waiting to be picked at.

I know how you think, Gabrielle.

It's a treat, knowing that, instead of 'knowing' as I do with others.

With others, it's a talent, a gift, a one of my many 'skills'.

But with you, it's different.

Of course, with you, you're different.

And so you prove this to me, one fine day.

"Xena, one day you'll understand that you're different from Petracles. He said that once he got something, he lost interest in it. Wait, I don't mean that once he got YOU he lost interest in you ITSELF, it must have been nothing about you surprised him any more and so he lost interest in that, much like he would lose interest in wars after the whole fighting was done. . ."

Shocked blue eyes steeled themselves within two seconds after Gabrielle had the second sentence out. Night had fallen on the two, warrior and bard content to do their nightly rituals after a long day of hard traveling and a sparse but delicious meal of rabbit in stew. Xena had been running her whetstone across the length of her already-gleaming sword when Gabrielle had said this, and what resulted was a shaky swipe and a small curse muttered to a certain God of War that had undoubtedly put the idea in the bard's head.

Setting aside her trusty sword beside her cleaned chakram, Xena drew her hand to her mouth and inwardly sighed as Argo knickered at them from across the campfire, the warhorse smelling the scent of her master's blood. Thankful the fire was high from Gabrielle's previous punching of it with dried sticks, Xena stared at the small cut, frowning.

Omens were bad among this part of the land, and the Warrior Princess wasn't sure about traveling anytime soon with so conspicuous a cut on her pointer finger. Shrugging, Xena knew there were things about her more than enough not conspicuous that she was wearing.

Before she could entertain the train of thought more, Gabrielle was there at her feet, worrying about the small cut with an adorable little scowl on her face and shuffling around in the saddlebags Xena had beside her. Rolling her eyes, Xena thought better than to tell the bard it was nothing after the whole minor curse she'd sent to Ares. Instead, the dark-haired warrior smiled, her teeth flashing a seductive sharp white against the blue of the night.

"Why don't you kiss it better, Gabrielle?"

Amused when the bard froze, Xena chuckled, the sound almost like a low growl in the dark. Shaking her head, Xena brought her finger back to her mouth, sucking on it and trying to lick the iron tang away with a swipe of her tongue.

". . . can do it."

"What, Gabrielle? I didn't catch that."

Green eyes shyly flickered over to her, then held, a bold exhale of breath. The ex-warlord's eyes widened when she realized the bard had been holding her breath and what that hinted as to personal feelings. Shifting slightly on the downed log she was sitting on, Xena almost pulled away as she always did when things got too personal about feelings with Gabrielle, but the blonde gently reached up and cradled her hand in her own, a small strip of white gauze in the other.

"I can kiss it better, Xena."

Blue eyes widened as her body froze, and the dark-haired woman about melted into a puddle of desire when Gabrielle took the already-small strip of white material between her teeth and ripped it clean down the middle. Never breaking eye-contact, the blonde shifted comfortably in her position between Xena's spread legs and lowered her mouth to the twitching finger Xena had the cut on. There was a gentle peck of softness, almost something akin to the feeling of sinking your hands into the untouched pureness of spring flower petals, and Xena had to fight the hiss that threatened to burst from her lips.

The bard immediately noticed the jerk that came from Xena, and instantly she was straighter on her knees, the hand that held the gauze now on Xena's bicep for comfort. If only it were that. Comfort would never come as innocently as Gabrielle directed it to the Warrior Princess, and that thought alone eased the burning fire that clawed at her soul.

"Xena, are you okay?"

Nodding, Xena grit her teeth and stood, casually hopping backwards over the log and bending down to retrieve the gauze from Gabrielle's upturned hand. She knew that the bard was seriously worried if she acted like this about a cut, and Xena cursed to Hades when she thought of the possibilities Gabrielle would go through and the chance she'd shy upon her buried feelings.

"I've got to check on Argo. Thanks for the concern, Gabrielle."

Retreating into the darkness, Xena cursed again at the coldness of her controlled voice. She knew Gabrielle would wonder about her attitude, and given the land they travelled that was rich in superstition, there would be some kind of test trap Gabrielle would be trying on her when she got back. Navigating the tricky outcrop of large boulders and sharp stones of their set perimeters of camp, the Warrior Princess made her rounds once, twice, and then doubled back to check on her beloved horse. Sinking her fingers into the soft roughness of Argo's mane, Xena considered her long-time friend, burying her face into the horse's neck as she sighed heavily.

"Argo, I'm losing it. Gabrielle must think I'm crazy, and even if it wasn't because of her, I've got to settle down. At this rate we'll get us all killed."

Suddenly her horse snorted and let back with a kick. Jerking, Xena stared wildly out into the darkness and drew her sword, thankful she'd had the foresight to snatch it up from the ground as she'd raced away from Gabrielle. White smoke rose up from the ground, rich in thickness, and Xena recognized it as the traveling between the dead and the living. But who?

"Xena. . ."

Tensing when Callisto's psychotic tone drifted out, Xena felt her mind race even as her senses fought to tell her information. She had nothing to feel guilty about for the dead warlord, and even if she did, that was certainly not Callisto's aura emanating from the blanket of fog.

"Ares, stop playing your games. You pose as a woman too much, and you're going to be stuck as one."

Dark eyes flashed, and Xena let loose an amused uplifting of her mouth.

"Think of the fun we could have then, Xena."

Ares always had a deep, sensual voice, and the Warrior Princess felt herself swept away on the fantasy of two women making love on a pelt of fur, the fire crackling merrily in a curious home hearth. Her own blue eyes was lost in the raging heat of swirling green, as her hand delved lower into untamed regions. . .

Snapping out of the fantasy, Xena only had the time to face the dark grin of the God of War before two figures were hurled at her, their male frames of hardened bulk frantically flopping around in the air to try and miss her. Sidestepping easily, Xena registered the odd 'thumps' as the two figures hit the ground behind her and rolled, physical bodies speaking of how they'd been brought back to life. Focusing on the God's words, Xena felt a spark of shock reel through her.

"They have some unfinished business left here in the land of the living, and since your mortal pining for them is driving me mad, I took it upon myself to go to Hades and extract his little debt to me for messing around with Sisyphus and making me into a mortal. Enjoy it, Xena. Consequences can be paid if you enjoy the time you're given. I learned that, as hard as that is to believe."

And the God of Death was gone with a wave of his hand and a twinkle in those dark eyes.

Xena glared at where he disappeared.

"Xena! By the Gods, does it take so long to- Petracles? Marcus!"

Turning at Gabrielle's shocked tone, Xena about found herself bowled over by the dark man and the scent of Marcus washed over her in waves of retreating death. Welcoming the hug of her friend and once lover, Xena fought to glare at the excited look her once-fiancee was giving Gabrielle. The blonde herself looked to be overwhelmed at the two seemingly important figures that represented Xena's past, and the dark-haired woman eased herself out of Marcus' hold and stood beside her best friend.

Arching an eyebrow, she spoke.

"Don't you think it's time we talk?"

". . . We know Ares is going to get something out of this, but what? He's the one who planned all of this in the first place."

Xena glanced over at her companion and smiled. Gabrielle's instincts about the God of War were getting better, and unlike her, the blonde was prone to opening herself up more and getting a few more better deals from the unsuspecting hunk of God Ares was. Yet what the bard pointed out was true, and after exchanging long-time pleasanties with the newly revived, Xena decided to get down to business.

"More than likely he's using you two to spice up what he calls his personal views. He said something about you two having unfinished business here in the land of the living. Since you're going to die again in the end, don't sugarcoat your answers, because this will probably be the last physical chance you get."

Glaring at Petracles as he glanced over at Gabrielle, Xena growled deep in her throat. It was something to deal with jealousy and hurt when you were alone and no one knew, but faced with a rival you knew was something else. Casually tossing a piece of wood into the roaring fire, Warrior Princess used the act to shuffle a bit closer to Gabrielle, who instinctively cuddled into her warmth as the bard watched the two men from across the crackling flames.

"My own unfinished business is with you, Xena."

Marcus spoke, and Xena's conscience lurched at the familiar brown eyes she saw. They were filled with hope and something else, but Xena knew she'd have to let him down. With a curt nod, she turned to the serious man whose forehead was still hidden by the leather band he always wore, the braids in his hair once as familiar as his own during that time of courting. All she felt for him now was a dull twinge whenever she looked at him. No, she was more worried about Gabrielle-

"My unfinished business lies here, with Gabrielle."

The snarl was ripped out of her throat before she could stop it.

Xena hurled herself at the armor-clad male, but before she could fully rise to her haunches and rip out his head where his 'business' currently thought made him plausible, a strong hand clapped itself to her shoulder and she was jerked roughly back. Twisting behind, Xena caught sight of amused light blue eyes, and a low drawl.

"Mind introducing me to your friends, Xena?"

The men that stood across the fire vaulted to her feet, as did Gabrielle's inviting hug to the newly arrived blonde.

"Hercules!"

Suddenly, tension was all over the place as a log from the fire rolled out. Four pairs of eyes glared at each other in a size-up that was natural for men fighting over something, and Xena glanced over at Gabrielle, tucked cutely into an embrace with the demi-god's laughing sidekick.

Oh, boy.

This was going to be a long night.

A/N: *snicker* For once, I actually know where I'm gonna go with this story. XD Now let's hope I feel the need to write! XD Thanks for reading, I'll have the next chapter up in. . . due time. *grin* Take care, jaaaaaaa! XD

PS: Yes, I love that song, no matter who the heck sings it, even alley cats sittin' on a fence at night. =3 Mrroooowwrrr. And you're probably wondering why Perdicus isn't in this. -.- Let's just say that bad boy isn't exactly someone I want to deal with right now. *snarls* =3


	2. Because of Them

A/N: *grin* Okay, so I know what's gonna happen, but apparently I don't know how to get there. ^^; SO! XD This is me going with the flow and trying to settle with how Gabrielle and Xena deal with this in their own terms. Yes, it's taking forever and you'd think only ten minutes would pass with this. Yet it's how I write, and I'm gonna push my limits in exploring and changing that to accomodate my needs. *laughs* Thanks for reading! XD

DISCLAIMER: Xena, Warrior Princess, doesn't belong to me but to the people who gave their all to make the show and props and ideas to it. XD Oh, and the song? Mine. Just came up with it in three minutes, started singing and humming it. Haven't really applied chords or a solid tune to it, so just start imagining it as your favorite song beat and sing it to that. *grin*

_**Because Of Them: It's Getting Easier To BE With Her But Harder To Be WITH Her**_

_If I truly loved you_

_I would have then said no_

_If I truly hated you_

_I'd've said yes and never let you go_

_But I said maybe_

_Just maybe_

_And that feeling turned to smolder'ng need_

_'Cause when you smiled I found the meaning_

_To my life_

_Whereas used to I couldn't please_

_The ache in my heart_

_You're the meaning of my life_

_With your gentle touch, your gentler words_

_Those green forgiving eyes_

_And I promised myself to love you_

_Always and forever pure_

_To stay away even when you felt that I'd become so secure_

_In your life_

_That's all_

_You're my strength, my weakness, my soul_

_Only you I can call my heart, my very own_

Xena glared into the smoldering embers of the fire, the toe of her leather boot scruffing an ever-widening hole beneath her foot. Those were the words of the song, of many songs, actually, that she'd come to sing in her dreams. The warrior had scoffed at herself, frowning so often as she found herself singing them before the twinkling stars had faded into the morning light's sky, before Gabrielle woke up and filled her world with the soft warmth of the day's refreshed bard. Now the words came to her, and the dark-haired warrior frowned as she recalled this song one of the first she'd come to sing.

Was it an omen?

Bah.

Smirking despite herself at the absurdity she knew it to be, Xena rolled her eyes and glanced at the still-dark sky. After the whole event of Hercules and Iolaus showing up and making show of the claims they had on Gabrielle and herself, everyone had gone to sleep, sprawling out over the camp grounds as seasoned warriors often do by relaxing their bodies as much as possible yet still keeping a certain conscious about them.

Gabrielle had edged towards her, knowing eyes laughing as the blonde threw a quick jerk of her chin towards the men, and the bard had asked if she could sleep next to Xena that night. It had taken all of the self-control she had for Xena not to growl her triumph and she'd nodded, smiling reassurance as she settled down, Gabrielle happily laying beside her and sighing in comfort as they began their quieter exploration of the stars. There had been an awkward tension when the air around them began to change, and soon Xena found the space to her right side filled with Marcus like the space towards Gabrielle's left side filled with a smiling Petracles.

Somehow the solid wall of male at Gabrielle's back sensed the dead stare of furious blue boring into him, and Petracles inched back, just a little. Xena felt Marcus do the same and looked down at a grinning Gabrielle. Shaking her head slightly, Xena closed her eyes and turned towards her friend on her side, drifting off into a light sleep.

She'd awakened a couple of candlemarks later, the song buzzing softly in her head.

At least the men had rolled off to give them more space, the proof of her own rough prodding to their snoring bodies that rolled them away in the middle of their sleep. Yet that alone wouldn't make them back off, and Xena knew that unless she made it clear to Marcus that their relationship was something that only existed to the point of his supposedly-eternal death, then her past lover wouldn't stop hounding her. The same went for Gabrielle's side and the ever-so-smooth Petraclese.

That also left Hercules and Iolaus.

While Xena knew they'd probably be off after breakfast and a quick warrior's warm-up fight with her and the other men, she knew Iolaus well enough to know the blond would give Gabrielle some room and time to mull things over. Hercules, on the other hand, would probably reign in some of that legendary strength he had but still give the others a bit of a bruising. Glancing over at the bard sleeping behind her, Xena shook her head, a bit amused.

Half the men here were after her soulmate, and all of them were past lovers of hers.

How life turned out to be, eh?

"You're going to dig a hole to Amphipolis if you keep that up, Xena."

"Iolaus."

After a moment's silence, the blond man settled himself across the live embers of the fire and glanced fondly at the sleeping bard next to Xena. The warrior bristled a bit, but she relented when she saw the friendly smile on the sidekick's face and a quick glance to Iolaus' blue eyes showed he meant no lustful ogling. Sighing to herself, Xena wondered when had it started that she'd let the control of her feelings for Gabrielle slip. Iolaus grinned over at her, and Xena wondered what was going on in that mind of his. He knew her pretty well, and it unnerved Xena a bit for him to know how much she could and would truly care for the bard beside her.

"It's not hard to see she's one Tartarus of a woman, Xena. But not just for anyone. There are people out there who would mess with her, just to amuse themselves. When I first met her, I thought you were doing just that, but taking your time, because she was the first one who believed in you so much, even when my life and everyone else's were on the line."

The snort of horror mixed in with amusement popped out before she could stop herself. Horror that Iolaus thought she'd be able to even TRY and mess with Gabrielle, and amusement that he thought she could.

Turning to the blonde man, Xena studied the honest eyes. What she saw there was truly pure, and for a moment the warrior thought she could see the connection Iolaus and Gabrielle had, that trust for other people, the courage and faith to follow the one they truly were destined to follow as sidekicks and irreplaceable comrades. Placing an elbow on a knee, Xena leaned forwards and allowed herself a grin as the man kept himself from looking at her body. He was truly precious.

"Iolaus, because you're you, and not anyone else, can I honestly say this: I need Gabrielle for who she is. I can't change her, nor would I ever try. Only the path and adventures we've been in have altered her, but I respect and rely on the soul she has. With me, you won't have any worry of ever messing with her. But with them," and Xena jerked a finger over at the prime example of a man just raring to go at the bard because of the purity Gabrielle was. "I can no longer feel she's safe, she's her own person. This may sound wrong from both ends of the Elysian Fields to Tartarus itself, but to protect Gabrielle from that. . . I would do anything, even if she begs to try to find out."

Iolaus was struck by the blue intensity of Xena's eyes.

As her old lover among many others, he had run across many men, and a ripe amount of women, who had noticed the emotional distance the Warrior Princess, and at the time, warlord, would put between her and her conquered. Now, though, Iolaus saw the change in those eyes, the same change he'd seen of people who had repented and were free in temples and small villages. That cold blue was now a soft warmth, and Iolaus smiled, even as Xena glared at him.

Leaning back to rest his weight on two hands, Iolaus shook his head.

"There was a time you'd have killed me after saying those words. You wouldn't even have blinked, even after all we'd been through. But now, Xena, now. . . you've changed. Sure, you fight for good, you put away all the bad guys- but more than that, you've CHANGED. You're soft, Xena, but that vulnerability is what makes you the strongest I've ever seen you. Compassion for people, anyone, whoever. But most of all, love."

Xena felt her gut bristle, the old feeling of her hackles rising in temper at what the blond had said. Normally she wouldn't even take notice of the words, but because Iolaus was who he was and the truth of what he'd said. . .

"I care now, yes. And due to that care, I will do anything to stop what is wrong. We all know Marcus and Petraclese will have to go back sometime, and that Ares has some gig going on here for his benefit. Gabrielle's heart is not something to be played with just for short-term pleasure, and I will make sure that never happens, not without her consent. Even you, Iolaus."

Xena settled back into her confident silence when the blond jerked a bit at the last bit. He drew himself to his feet, and giving the sleeping bard a gentle smile, looked at her.

"Yes, Xena. But I won't ever hurt her, and I will always be there for her if she wanted it."

The warrior watched his back as Iolaus disappeared into the long spikes of overgrown grass, excusing himself to hunt up their breakfast, and Xena looked towards the stars, fading as the sky started to lighten into day. What Iolaus had said was true, but then again, what she'd said was a promise she'd always keep.

Gabrielle's heart and soul was on the line.

00000000000000000000000000

"What do you want, Ares?"

Without turning, Xena acknowledged the invisible presence of the God of War. Busying herself with cinching Argo into the saddle and strapping on hers and Gabrielle's bedrolls and saddlebags, the warrior smirked to herself as the dark-haired god appeared with his usual swagger at her side.

"Why, Xena. I'm surprised you've had to ask. I was so sure I'd made my intentions clear over all the years we've known each other."

"Yeah, but then again, those intentions of yours really contradict the way I want to live my life."

"Oh, but Xena," Ares drawled, his breath descending on her ear as the God of War drew closer, soft black leather filling her nose along with his scent. Argo shifted a bit, grazing a bit of the green growth protruding from the outcrop of rock. "as a Goddess and ruler of war by my side, you wouldn't simply be 'living'. And especially not as a mortal, dealing with all the inconsistencies of life."

Xena turned, her bored look perfected over the years. Yes, she had more than once been tempted to take the easy way out and join Ares in giving herself over to the darkness, and more than once she'd relied on the pleasures of mortality to bring herself back. Innocent pleasures, really, but pleasures she could NEVER have as a God.

No surprise the little bard of Potadeia were included in that list of innocent pleasures.

Focusing her attention back on Ares, Xena noted the presence of the male coming up behind them.

"Ares."

"Petraclese. Have any luck with the brat yet?"

Xena carefully kept her facial features in check, but inside she was raging. Gabrielle had been called many things by the gods, mixture of both good and bad, but Ares seemed to have it in for the bard, going as far to supply her enemies with tips on attacking Gabrielle instead of Xena to draw her into an all-out brawl when Xena could just avoid the whole spectacle altogether. Petracles scoffed, and Xena grudgingly gave him face points when her past fiance scowled at the god's wording.

"With all the time you've promised us, Ares, I'm taking MY time with Gabrielle. She's not something to be handled with by petty words such as luck. I'm going into this with my eyes open, and by the end of this, repaying you with an army of chaos is small compared to the price I will pay for Gabrielle to be mine."

The last thing Xena remembered about Petracles was that he was a crafty man, usually not letting the plans he had revealed until after it had happened unless the people he confided in were key partners. Of course, Petracles really hadn't come back to life under Ares' rule with concealed intentions, had he?

Of course, the extra tidbit of conjuring up an army after Ares' end was held up was revealing enough.

Glaring over at the god, Xena narrowed her eyes.

"Just what are you planning, Ares? We all know you could have an all-out war with just a few said words to the wrong people and framing murders in a large kingdom. Why Petracles, and why now?"

A white flash of gleaming teeth, and Ares drew himself up, hands on his hips as his eyebrows rose up and down in a little 'tsk' of their own as the god laughed. His hair slicked back in sharp waves, and Xena had to admit, Ares played seducer well. Thank the gods Petraclese had nothing on him, and Gabrielle hadn't been one to go running for the God of War when a hungry grin was thrown her way. Of course, Petracles used wit and promises to lure unknowing women in. . .

"Ahh, but Xena, you should know WE all know the annoying blonde is precious to you. Who else better to get than a pining Petracles, Hades torn between deciding the decision of the Elysian Fields of Tartarus? Petracles, who once broke your heart? Petracles, who once had little Gabrielle in his arms? He is the prime mortal to bring you to your knees, Xena, and when you're down there, you won't want to go anywhere else but to me. . ."

Even as Ares finished his sentence, the god spread his hands and laughed, the sound mocking in the morning air. With a wave of his hand, Ares started to fade, but the animalistic urge to kill still raged inside Xena like a personal turmoil. As the warrior tersely made her way back to camp, a knowing grin spread across Petraclese's face, unnoticed by a brooding Xena.

Just as she'd predicted, all the men had gathered in a lazy circle to spar with choice partners for a 'friendly warm-up'. Friendly soon turned into brawling as a brooding Hercules faced off with a direct-attacking Marcus, Iolaus and Petraclese dancing back and forth across the camp, growling over what weapons could be used and raising up a hissy fit when the weapon 'staff' had been brought up and the two ran for a snoring Gabrielle's weapon.

Xena stopped the two with a look and a protective stance over Gabrielle's sleeping form and the two men backed off, resuming off with their different fighting styles.

"Mmmmnnn, Xena?"

Looking down, the warrior smiled at the squinting eyes turned towards her. Lowering herself to one knee, she playfully took the bard's bare shoulder and rolled her back and forth to her side and belly until Gabrielle grunted and grumbled out a, "Morning." Her drowsiness disappeared completely when she saw her staff in Xena's hand and behind the warrior, to the sparring males. Thankfully grabbing her weapon, Gabrielle turned to Xena and raised an interested eyebrow at the fish boiling in an unfamiliar pot, herbs peppering the surface of the water and obviously giving the fish a different seasoning.

"Iolaus cooked."

Xena had to smile at the bard's "Ohh. . ." and the cute parting of her lips. Nodding, the warrior gestured with her head to the males and inhaled slightly when Gabrielle cupped a hand to her own shoulder and hoisted herself up. Noticing the unused staff hanging at the blonde's side horizontally, Xena inwardly sighed happily.

"Ummmm, Xena?"

Raising to her own full height, Xena stole a guilty sweeping glance of Gabrielle's body as she went up. Pretending a little sway, the warrior placed a hand to Gabrielle's arm and leaned in, whispering a dramatic, "What?" Gabrielle giggled at Xena's antics and rolled her eyes but leaned in too and whispered into her ear. Xena's eyebrows rose at the request but followed her partner into the woods, watching the hopping canter of Gabrielle's stride as the bard hurried out of camp. Grinning playfully, Xena whistled for Argo and turned to leave.

"Xena!"

The bard's hurried call stopped the dark-haired woman and Xena turned, staring at the saddlehorn as Gabrielle relieved herself on the other side of the fair-flanked horse.

"Just because they're men doesn't mean they would follow you out to watch you go in the morning, Gabrielle."

"Xena!"

Grinning behind the protection of Argo's saddle, Xena rolled her eyes and patted her loyal horse. Argo snickered and Gabrielle grumbled again as she stood, grabbing her staff and coming around the front of Argo to stare up at the warrior.

"They were GOING to! Now I trust Iolaus, he and I have a lot in common, but I remember the way I acted with Petraclese the last time we met and how you and him were. . . but that's the past! What I mean is, I'm not COMFORTABLE with those two when they're like that and I need to. . . go."

The last part was whispered towards the ground, but Xena heard. Before she could stop herself, she found herself talking. How many times was she going to have her tongue and lips making sounds without her consent?.!

"I'm glad. . . you feel comfortable with me, Gabrielle."

Green eyes quickly shot up to meet hers, and Xena almost whacked herself in the head. She briefly considered back Argo up to stomp on her foot as punishment, but Gabrielle's hand to her arm stopped that twitching movement.

"I do, Xena, and I have, even when we first met. It doesn't have anything to do with you being a woman, either. I'd still choose you to come with me in the morning if I had my pick."

Xena about blushed, the blood was coming to her head fast enough. Roughly jerking away, she covered it up with an apologetic smile and nodded at Gabrielle's hands, a smile coming to her lips as she joked about how hygiene was on the top of her list and anyone near her if she was going to do favors like going out into the woods with her best friend to accompany them in relieving themselves.

As Xena turned away, she was sure her ears were red and Gabrielle's enraged yell followed by a laugh meaning the bard had seen it.

If this kept on, she was sure she was going to go crazy.


	3. Because of Me

A/N: *sheepish grin* XD Apparently I'd written the last chapter RIGHT after I'd watched the second season's "Ulysses", which is personally a not-so-fave but not-the-worst episode I've seen since Gabrielle and Xena kinda 'come to terms' and get downright. . . jealous. =3 Anyway, *snicker* that chapter went against everything in the episode that I'd brought up! XD Very interesting, actually, but now let's see if I can make this third chapter more action-oriented. . . =3 ((*happy laugh* See how long this fic has been sitting around? I've now finished 'Vanishing Act', and so Xena and Gabrielle's demeanor might change in their relationship. =3))

DISCLAIMER: Xena, Warrior Princess, does not belong to me but to the rightful owners who created her and the loyal fans who made things enjoyable with finance and plain laughter. XD

_**Because of Me: You Have No Privacy**_

"Xena, we came back to life specifically to come back to you and Gabrielle, taking advantage of Ares and Hades' deal to be with you. Now you deny us that privelage by demanding we can't go with you?"

Blue eyes turned to Marcus, and the solid man stared right back, exasperation and confusion clear in his body language and eyes. All of them were back on the road heading towards Britannia, all for the reason that a passerby had carried news of Caesar's conquests over the Queen named Bodaceia. It hadn't helped that there was bad blood between the Conqueror in Xena and the proud woman of Britania who had been slighted by the dark warrior, but add to the mixture Caesar, Xena's prime candidate who had betrayed her and killed the woman who had saved her, it was an irresistable calling to the Warrior Princess.

Glaring at the men who wanted to tag along, Xena cinched up Argo's saddle and tried to control her temper. It wouldn't do good to admit that Petracles' presence was the one who unsettled her most. Turning to Marcus, she decided to confront him openly. All of them needed to be reminded of this, and to alleviate the misunderstanding would save for future headaches.

"We all know that Marcus and Petraclese don't have a chance in Tartarus of living their full lives. Their full lives have already been lived. Marcus died a noble death, as did Petraclese. Why throw that away? For a chance to have Ares contaminate your positions in the Elysian Fields? The dead can hear our thoughts. As you know, Marcus, I once loved you, but I've changed. You've changed. And all for the better. Don't throw that away. Go back."

Seeing the flicker of shame in both men's eyes at the reminded that their lives had nowhere been near attaining the Elysian Fields at their past deeds, Xena pressed on.

"You say that you've come back for me and Gabrielle-"

"Xena."

The soft voice rang clear, and blue eyes turned to the woman standing beside her. Green eyes looked up at her beseechingly, and Xena knew that if Gabrielle spoke of favors, she'd listen and do her bidding as best she could. Iolaus had stood beside the small blonde, and Xena felt the urge to growl. Looking into the blonde's blue eyes, though, Xena felt herself relax. Iolaus would ensure Gabrielle's happiness. Sprawled behind the two, the demi-god sat on a boulder, his herculean form observative in nature.

"Don't you think it would be best to take them with us? Petracles here has an army, and Marcus is a good fighter. I don't even have to mention what Hercules and Iolaus here could do. Besides, wouldn't it be better to have more help against Caesar's army?"

Inside, Xena's heart broke.

The strategist inside of her knew Gabrielle was only speaking for the Great Good and supplying an excellent battle plan, but Xena was stubborn and knew she'd die before she went down without a fight.

"Like you said, you don't have to mention Hercules and Iolaus here for what they could do. But that's the point. I'm sure they're needed for world peace somewhere else."

"Actually, Xena," Hercules himself spoke, uncurling from the ground and easily bouncing to his feet despite his tall demeanor. The demi-god walked over to the group and sized up Marcus and Petracles, then turning to Xena. His hand rested on Argo, tousling the palomino's mane, and sky blue eyes gazed over into steel.

"We really don't have anywhere to be, and judging from what we've heard on the road, Caesar's a man who affects world peace as we know it. Gabrielle has a point; either we bring Marcus and Petracles as extra men and an army, but nonetheless, we'll go with you."

Xena nodded. Somehow the thought of Hercules and Iolaus tagging along was comforting, but the other two? No. Sighing, Xena turned towards Petracles, eyeing the knowing gleam in those muddy hazel eyes. Once-sensual fingers curled about the hilt of his sword, and Xena suddenly wondered where the man's armor he usually wore had gone. As if sensing her musings, Petracles drew out a small ring. It had been on a string around his neck, and on it was his insignia. Scowling, Xena recalled the image well. It was supposed to have also been hers once.

Once.

"I do have an army waiting for me back north of here, about two days' ride. It is as you remembered it, Xena, men who are ready to lay down their life to me, loyal men who will welcome me back as they've always had."

Suddenly, Xena had an idea. It wasn't the first time she'd used it, and so no one could question her normal ways of rearranging about a plan. Taking initiative, the former Conqueror of Greece stepped over to Argo and gestured towards Gabrielle. Hercules and Iolaus, knowing exactly how the dark-haired warrior thought, nodded in approval. Petraclese and Marcus knew Xena well, too, and they blanched, even before she spoke.

"But Xena, it's a two days' ride-"

"And you have one horse. We've brought two, and Iolaus and I haven't had to argue at sharing before."

Grinning conspiratorially over at the two men, Xena mounted Argo and swiftly drew Gabrielle up with her, pleased the bard was okay with this new rearrangement as the blonde drew her arms around Xena's waist, staff by Argo's saddlebags. The camp had been cleared, the fire put out and scraps thrown to the wild animals frequenting around at the forest's edge. Hercules and Iolaus had doubled on a sturdy black stallion, nostrils flaring in an eagerness to go, ears pricked at Argo. Casting a warning glance at the demi-god, Hercules just shrugged at Xena and told the other two men to take it easy on the broken-in roan. Reining Argo in tight to lean down to Marcus and give her past lover a firm hold to his shoulder, Xena pulled Petraclese in.

_""I just want my share of the treasure." "I look forward to it. But just you remember my warning." _Remember that?" A sad smile from her once-to-be fiance, but Petraclese shook his head.

"No treasure in this world is worth the woman I died for."

Giving him a sympathetic 'tut' of her tongue, Xena settled herself comfortable back in the saddle and laid a possessive hand to Gabrielle's thigh. She had no right to, but it felt like it was her very right to claim her best friend. They'd been through so much. Petracles' words hung in the air, and whether they'd been directed at her or Gabrielle, she ddn't know.

"You're right. We'll meet you in Britannia in five days; voyage passage will take three."

And with that, Hercules and Xena spurred their horses onto the main trail.

Xena kept Gabrielle up on Argo until midday and they stopped to rest for a quick lunch. All the while the bard had gabbered away at Iolaus, and while Xena had gotten a bit more talkative over the seasons they'd been together, she just couldn't match up with the demi-god's blonde sidekick.

Oh, well.

The rythmic gait of Argo walking lulled Xena into the perfect musing period, and the dark-haired warrior kept an ear pricked out while she thought. With Hercules along, she could have been as new to this as a babe and still not have to worry about safety. He was good with protection like that.

_It's because of me Gabrielle hasn't settled down and started a family. There's just too much going on; too much fighting, too many enemies, and what happened to me not acting on my feelings so she wouldn't be in danger? I've exposed her, my weakness, to practically every major enemy I know! Son of a bacchae, I'm surprised I can even protect her with all this going on. No, that's not the reason. The real thing that I have to protect her from is. . . _

_Myself. _

_Gods, how many nights have I just layed awake, fantasizing about her? Morpheus can't even compare to any dreams he'd send me of her. The real thing is so much better, hands down. Yet I'll never know, will I? No, I'll end up hurting her and she'll leave before I can even get to her- if I would. _

_I want to, yet I won't. _

_She deserves so much more. Tartarus, we've been through so much, how could I let her go if she wanted to. Gabrielle. . ._

"Xena. Xena! Iolaus, look at her, dreaming up there. See what I have to put up with all the time when she won't share what's going on in her head?"

Glancing down at the bard, Xena felt her heart take on a strong hard beat as Gabrielle's eyes looked at her, the happy glint practically sparkling with excitement. The bard was happy. That was all that mattered. Iolaus responded with a quirky comeback that had Gabrielle flushing pink but laughing still, and Xena felt a spike of jealousy carreen through her. Gripping Argo's reins tighter, Xena forced her facial features to remain impassive and urged the mare to trot up to Hercules.

"They're having fun back there."

"Yeah. Makes me wonder how Gabrielle can even stand being stuck with the former Conqueror of Nations, she being so stoic and all. Of course, it helps that you're drop-dead beautiful."

Xena grinned over at the demi-god, curbing Argo's reins so she came close and slapped him on the shoulder.

"I'd say the same for you, yet you're not exactly beautiful. Oh, sure, tall, fair and handsome, but no beauty contest winner."

The easy bantering between the two broke out, and they scuffled a bit, landing soft hits that would be considered death blows to normal people. Finally the two settled down into a planning discussion about what they'd do when it came to Britannia and enlisting Bodaceia's help, and if she even wanted it.

By the time four candlemarks had passed from lunchtime, they'd come across a lake and started to fish for supper. It was needless to hurry, for the ship to Britannia would set sale at night, and all of them had agreed it would be better to down their food and settle in on board without fishing for supper in the sea. The last time Xena and Gabrielle had been on a ship, Poseidon hadn't taken kindly to them and had brought about a humongous wave that had threatened to slam the ship underwater, then a life-stealing whirlpool.

Supper passed with Gabrielle and Iolaus entertaining them with a game that vaguely resembled something where the people playing had to guess at what was being acted out by the performers, thus being a lone Iolaus and Gabrielle who took turns. Various confused glances were thrown by Hercules and Xena, and Iolaus and Gabrielle had as much fun being entertained by their partners' expressions of confusion and helplessness than anything else.

Only when it looked as if the moon had risen to its full zenith did Hercules glance up and remind them that in a quarter of a candlemark they'd better be moving. Xena unsaddled Argo and turned her loose to roam, as did Hercules with the stallion. Surprised when Gabrielle nudged her with her arm, Xena turned to find the blonde blushing a bit.

"Hercules' stallion, it won't get frisky after we're gone?"

Grinning down at the quizzical nature of the bard, Xena took hold of Gabrielle's arm and abandoned her duty of packing up. Everything was all ready, anyway. Taking her to Argo's side, Xena brushed her hand in Argo's mane and told Gabrielle to look at the palomino's tail. Green eyes took in Argo's form, and Gabrielle nodded, a bit confused. Xena laughed and pointed out that Argo's stance wasn't the best for being receptive for the stallion, and her tail wasn't hoisted up. Eyes widening, Gabrielle shook her head and grinned.

"You forgot 'blinking'."

Xena choked on the pull of water she was drinking out of the wineskin.

"'Scuse me?"

"Blinking, when the female is in heat and her clit shows."

"I-I know, but. . ."

Xena stared down at the bard, wondering where this had come from. Then it dawned on her that Gabrielle HAD been a farmer's daughter, and the ways of life and livestock weren't new to the blonde. So why. . .?

"I was asking that what will happen to the stallion when we're gone? Iolaus told me that the two horses had been a gift from a village from being saved by a passing blood-crazed army, but won't they need them when they get back?"

Oh.

Shaking her head, Xena smiled.

"No. I know Hercules. He'd think it would be better if the stallion returns to the wild. It hasn't been broken in yet as a docile stud, but then again, it has the good potential from the way it was around humans. It'll make its way back to the mountains before dawn. Are you ready?"

Gabrielle nodded, and Xena smiled. Giving Argo a last pat, the two made their way back to camp. Hercules and Iolaus took care of camp, and the group went down to the silent village and onto the docks where a ship awaited, destination Britannia. Xena saw Gabrielle paling a bit at the rocking of the ship, but the bard pressed down firmly on the pressure point the ex-warlord had taught her. There was an endearing look of determination on Gabrielle's face, and Xena smiled as she got back from rearranging two rooms on the ship by the captain for the four of them. No use in wasting good money and being alone all three days of the voyage.

Watching Gabrielle settle in from plumping all her pillows into the hammock, Xena crossed the small room and playfully jiggled the hanging bard by the hammock's holdings. Gabrielle rolled over onto her stomach and mock-frowned. She only lasted two seconds before Xena started to REALLY swing the holdings of the hammock and Gabrielle almost flipped over from her sleeping spot. Laughing, bard rode out the waves of being freely swung, and as the ride ended, green eyes looked up into smiling blue.

"Good night, Xena."

"Night, Gabrielle. Tomorrow I'll make sure you cook the squid before you try to eat it."

"I'll eat it. As long as you don't burn it."

"_Night, _Gabrielle."

A giggle, and then, "Good night, Xena."

At least tonight Xena didn't have to worry about Gabrielle's newly-found suitors.

In the darkness, a soft laugh echoed across the sea's calm waters.

A/N: =3 And so, yes, I do believe that I MIGHT follow the story-line of the actual episodes, but not really. I mean, don't want it to be TOO predictable. *grin* You never know. . . XD XD XD Thanks for reading! XD Take care, jaaaaaaaaaa! =3


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